What is it Like to Date Sober?
Dating was the last thing on my mind when I first got sober. Starting a brand new life and figuring out how to deal with all my crap while sober was more than enough for me to handle. Having to deal with someone else’s crap on top of all that?
No, thank you.
Rebuilding my life kept me occupied for over a year. I saved all the money I didn’t spend on drinking, and I redecorated my entire apartment. Months of weekends were spent scouring thrift shops and flea markets until my little nest egg was spent.
After a year and a half sober, I realized that I had room in my life for someone new, but I was still leery. I had never had a sober date in my entire life. I wasn’t sure where to start.
Eventually, I found a sober online dating site, created a profile, and prayed I could find at least one guy who wasn’t boring, or worse yet, unstable.
It turned out to be a buyer’s market, so to speak. I had eleven messages the first day, and I quickly realized that the stereotypical ideas I had in my mind about sober guys were way off the mark.
That didn’t mean there weren’t some jerks out there. It’s just that most of them, for better or worse, were just regular guys. They weren’t walking around with sober signs on their foreheads.
I didn’t meet anyone I really clicked with for several months, but once I did, I began to see what I had been missing.
It Isn’t All About Him
One of the first things I noticed was that Clay was just as strong as I was. He had gone through the same soul-searching process that I did and had come out the other side a better person for it:
- He is Brave – He had started drinking at a much younger age than I did. He really didn’t have much time to develop healthy coping skills or normal friendships, yet he left the only life he knew to get sober. I felt quite safe with him.
- He is Strong – While physical strength is hot, emotional strength is a whole different kind of sexy. And that strength didn’t just extend to staying sober. It gave him an intuitiveness that I had never experienced in a relationship before.
- He has a Support System – The pressure was off. I didn’t have to fill the support role all by myself. I could actually take care of my own emotional needs without feeling guilty.
He was Comfortable In His Own Skin
Clay knew who he was, what he wanted from a relationship, what he could give, and most importantly, what he couldn’t. His consistency gave me a real sense of security.
- He knew How to Communicate – If Clay needed help, he didn’t storm around in a foul mood. He simply asked for it. There was no shame in his game.
- He was Fun – No artificial means were necessary for us to have a good time. He could be silly and goofy anytime, but because he was sober, he also knew when to stop.
- He didn’t Make Excuses – Without alcohol to blame bad behavior on, Clay always owned it. I didn’t expect him to be perfect, but I didn’t worry about him messing up either.
Our affection for each other has become contagious. Two of our sober friends have found sober partners. Getting sober was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sober dating has been the happiest time in my life.
If you or your loved-one is looking for a treatment center, please contact Beginnings Treatment Centers today and speak with one of our experienced and professional intake advisors, help is here. We are located in beautiful and sunny Southern California in Orange County, which has one of the best and most active recovery communities in the United States.
