How to Prepare Your Kids When You Go to Rehab
Discussing an addiction and seeking rehab when you are caring for a child, especially a very young one, can be a challenging experience. On the one hand, it’s important to discuss where and why you are going, on the other, it is difficult to explain a temporary absence, and what many parents see as a failure towards their children. While this isn’t true (as you’re taking steps to improve yourself so that you can be a better parent), it is important to take the right approach, to be honest, and to be prepared to answer questions your child might have.
These tips will help you prepare your kids when you go in for addiction treatment, so that you and they can have the best experience possible.
Being Honest
It might seem easy to lie to your child about where you are going or why. For example, you might tell a very young child that you are going on holiday or somewhere for work. However, most children are very perceptive, especially if you live with them. They will understand something is wrong, and they will likely hear things from their caregivers or playmates depending on how obvious your addiction was.
Very young children often require the simplest explanations “I’m sick and I’m going away to get better”, where older, more developed children need to know more. It’s always a good idea to approach your explanation by telling your child that addiction is a chronic disorder, you can’t make yourself better, but others can help you to do so. If your child knows about drug or alcohol use, you should directly refer to that or to your behavior while drunk or high. Even if you’ve tried to hide it from them, they likely have noticed.
Pick the Right Environment
Most children won’t be able to easily understand why you’re going away or what it means unless they are 9 or older. Some will be upset and some will be angry. Consider when and how to break the news. Try to pick a time where you are alone, have time, and aren’t on your way somewhere. Before bed at home is ideal if you have custody and are taking care of your child. Introducing the subject in a public place, before going out, or before school is always a bad idea.
Be Prepared
Children will always have a lot of questions, and the older they are, the deeper those questions will get. Be prepared to answer questions about what the problem is, where you’re going, how you might change, and when and how they can visit you. This means it’s always a good idea to have your rehab center picked and the details of your treatment sorted out. The more you know about the process, the more you’ll be able to break it down for your kids.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. It’s important to be honest about recovery and not treat it as a definite cure. Your recovery is up to you, so promising that you’ll be all better when you get out may set your children up for disappointment. Instead, say that you are getting treatment, and you might be better when you get out, but it will still be a lot of work once you do. You can express that you are certain of a positive outcome and you will work hard to make things better, but honestly and a real understanding of the process of recovery is important.
Validate Your Child’s Feelings
Most children will immediately be hurt by you going away. Many others will react as though it is their fault. It’s important to approach these concerns carefully.
- Acknowledge that addiction is a disorder, like a disease. Emphasize that it is not their fault. Even if you’ve said so in the past. Addiction is a disorder, and not one that is anyone’s fault, even your own.
- Discuss how substance abuse has negatively affected your relationship. Even if it’s your inability to be there. If you black out, become angry or morose when high, or otherwise cannot function with substances, you should explain that as well. Substance use is often extremely harmful to children, especially young ones and you need to acknowledge that.
- Discuss options for your child or children to seek help and support while you’re gone. Either through a support group like Al-Anon, a parent, grandparent, friend, therapist, or teacher.
The big thing to focus on is that while there is something wrong, you are working hard to improve yourself and move past it. It’s not their fault, but it has impacted them in the past, and you should be ready to acknowledge that.
Explain What Will Happen While You’re Away
Most parents have the option to either find a rehab center with a daycare that will accept their children into the facility or to find care outside of the home. This can be with another parent, a grandparent, a trusted friend, or a daycare designed for the purpose. In any case, your children’s lives will likely be disrupted a great deal by you attending rehab, especially if you are their primary caretaker. Taking steps to explain the significance of these changes, what will happen, and why is important.
Most kids want to know:
- Where will you be/where will I be?
- Who will be taking care of me?
- How long will it be?
- Will they continue to attend school? Are there alternative provisions for school?
- How often can they see you? When? What about holidays if they overlap with your stay?
- Will you be okay to see them?
Committing to Change
Rehab and substance abuse recovery is about an ongoing commitment to recovery and sobriety. It’s important that you communicate you won’t walk out of rehab all better. Instead, you’ll have to continue to work to remain clean and sober. This may involve:
Family Therapy – You and your children seek out family therapy together to rebuild your relationship, address trauma caused to your children by substance abuse, and to move forward with new and healthy coping mechanisms and boundaries.
Group Meetings – Many group meetings exist to help families come back together after substance abuse. These include family-oriented groups such as Al-Anon which work to help everyone involved and those like Parents Anonymous which are oriented around helping you to be a good parent in recovery. You’ll also want to attend regular group support meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or SMART Recovery. Your children may be able to attend if they are old enough, but they should know what meetings are and why you are going.
You can also involve you or your children with:
- Therapy
- Al-Anon/Alateen
- Nar-Anon Family
- Parents Anonymous
- Because I Love You
It’s important to discuss these factors and why you would want to attend them if your children are old enough to understand. If they aren’t you can skip this step, but you should know it for yourself.
Moving Forward
Getting help is an important first step on your journey to recovery. Many parents find that communicating rehab as a positive first step is the best approach. Your substance use negatively affects your family unit and it impacts your children, their mental health, and their health. Getting help is for them as much as it is for you. You can communicate that, and discuss the reasons you are going to rehab, such as so you can be there for them, so you can be a better parent, so you can make better decisions, or even so you can invest in your and their future. Think about why you are going and be honest.
Getting help is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. Substance use is damaging not just to your mental and physical health, but also to theirs. Going to rehab will give you the tools to recover so that you can be a better parent, and so that you can begin to correct the harm that substance use causes to families. If you or a loved one needs help, please contact Beginnings Treatment Centers today and speak with one of our experienced and professional intake advisors, we’re here to walk you through recovery.
